Resume Enhancement

Quotes found on Resumes - some of these are funny.

"Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."

"Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts."

"Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984."

"Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

"Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math."

"Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business."

"Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

"I am a rabid typist."

"I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute."

"I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy."

"I am sicking and entry-level position."

"I am superior to anyone else you could hire."

"I am the bestest person alive for this job, and you you can't see that, it's your loss."

"I don't usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so."

"I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan."

"I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one."

"It's best for employers that I not work with people."

"My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had."

"Previous experience: Self-employed -- a fiasco."

"Reason for leaving last job: Bounty hunting was outlaw in my state."

"Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes."

"Special skills: Thyping."

"Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle."

"Work History: Performed brain wave tests, 1879-1981."

"You are privileged to receive my resume."

"You have to give me the job, or my mother will be highly upset at you."

"You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!"

Here are some that a minister might want to put on his resume…

Gifted speaker...I speak in the tongues of men and of angels

Prophetic word ministry…And I have prophetic powers

Divine Revelations…and I understand all mysteries and all knowledge

Faith Ministries…and have all faith so as to remove mountains

Mans emphasis is upon doing and having- the focus is upon the man.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,

but have not love,

I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

And if I have prophetic powers,

and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,

and have all faith, so as to remove mountains,

but have not love,

I am nothing.

If I give away all I have and if I deliver up my body to be burned,

but have not love,

I gain nothing.

Love is patient

and kind;

love does not envy or boast;

it is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way;

it is not irritable or resentful;

it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things,

believes all things,

hope all things,

endures all things.

Love never ends.

Man believes it is the actions – his abilities and gifts - that qualify him for service;

God says it is a man’s motive.

“... but the greatest of these is love."

If you would enhance your spiritual resume,

Love the people you are trying to reach.

It is not the performance of the speaker-

It's not in the words you use -

it is in the demonstration of the Spirit - both Gods and the mans

Preaching that is not based in a love for the people is, a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

Thanks for reading today